The Jaffy’s Guide to University

One of the most important concepts that you will learn about during your first weeks of university is that of the Jaffy. If you don’t know what a Jaffy is, you probably are one.

The word Jaffy is both a pejorative and affectionate term for students who are in their first year of university. Like so many brilliant Australianisms, it’s an acronym. It’s short for “Just Another Ducking First Year” and you will be hearing it a lot.

If you are entering your first year of university, you will behave like a Jaffy, as we all have done. It is your right of passage. Embrace this new, exciting, intimidating and marvellous time of your life and make sure you take the following steps to live the #JaffyLyffe to the fullest:

  • Ask someone what a Jaffy is.   
  • Sign up for at least 13 clubs during O-week. Attend none of them, even though they’re full of lovely and interesting people.
  • Stock up on a lifetime’s worth of Frisbees, post-it notes, highlighters and jelly beans during O-week. Make sure you have duplicates of everything lest you regret your negligence on your deathbed.  
  • Try to buy your textbooks during first week. By the time you’re at the front of the queue, semester will be over.
  • After buying all of the textbooks for your subjects, never use them. Sell them for 40% of the original price.
  • Meet dozens of friendly students during O-week. Spend the next three years trying to avoid them.
  • Try to find parking anywhere on campus in the first three weeks of semester and miss all your classes because it’s impossible.
  • Boast about the university’s wildlife sanctuary. Never visit it.
  • Go near the ducks during nesting season. Act surprised when you end up hospitalised.
  • Try to compare ATARs with your friends.
  • Get the Lost On Campus app to help you find your way to classes. End up on the wrong side of the university.
  • Go near the Agora during student elections and talk to the candidates.
  • Actually vote in the student elections (you sweet, innocent soul).
  • Only come into the university for class. Leave immediately afterwards. Don’t talk to anyone, make any friends or have any positive social interactions during your degree.
  • Vow to attend all the lectures for your subjects, then stay at home and watch them online.
  • Be scared of older students. They’re 20! You could never be friends.
  • Talk loudly and obnoxiously on the third floor of the library, even though it’s for quiet study. No one will care, right?
  • Apologise for being a Jaffy whenever you ask a question.
  • Promise yourself that you’re going to stay on top of university, beat stress and flourish. Dismiss this idea by week 5. (Note: You will do this throughout your degree.)

When you are no longer a Jaffy, you will make fun of Jaffys. This is the way of the ex-Jaffy. And the only way out is through.

However, if you do happen to be a Jaffy reading this post, you may now have the wisdom to avoid some of the pitfalls of the Jaffy existence.

And if you are no longer a Jaffy, then you will recognise the lessons that you learned on the hard road through first year. Congratulations to you for making it through!